Dammit, I hate Powerpoints!
Horrible choice of narration? Check.
Way too much blood? Check.
Turned vampirism from ghoulish horror into a frickin’ disease? Check.
Plot holes the size of swamp rats? Check.
A movie that really sucks?
Not so much.
Oh, Netherbeasts Incorporated (2007) isn’t a life-changing tale of monsters and their annoying health problems, not at all. Nor is the above list of defects hardly complete, I’m sure. But there’s a certain quirkiness to this story of what happens when the element that’s keeping a band of vampires alive is stolen, and eventually that quirkiness becomes charm in a minor key. The actors play it as straight as they can, and so the characters’ reactions to the diseases that can afflict their long-lived bodies, which, quite candidly, can wear out, is convincing.
Which is to say, it’s not overwrought. It’s just part of the litany of daily problems facing the office-dwelling people eaters who are being led by the slick Turner.
Who may be mad. After all, he did just stake Mike. Even Mike being an asshole isn’t a good enough excuse to just stake a guy. Right?
Right?
If you like quirkiness, or vampires who broke the mold when they were cast, Netherbeasts Incorporated may be for you. Just remember, you have to be patient.
And admiring of the First Lifers in their midst.
