Belated Movie Reviews

The idea of synchronized dancing came after these folks left Atlantis for a moon of Jupiter.

It’s so hard to know where to start with Fire Maidens from Outer Space (1956). Meaningless, lingering shots on a secretary going up and down a staircase. A trip to Jupiter’s system that takes only three weeks, implying fabulous technology, yet they’re surprised by a meteor shower during takeoff (and those are big honkin’ meteors!)? Five guys on this expedition who can apparently withstand liftoff and landing while seated in their office chairs?

A single switch that appears to control everything from the magnetic gyro to the engines? OK, we’ll allow that the radio seemed to use a different set of switches.

And then … the Fire Maidens! Who were immediately pronounced by our Arts Editor as “not that attractive, really,” and, yeah, she’s right. Later on she remarked they “walked funny.” Oh, and the dancing, oh the dancing. Yeccccch. As there were ten or more of them for the crew of five, it was a bit of a flock, yet, in retrospect, I’m now wondering if there’s a word for a group of, well, preying mantises. Not that they consumed any of the crew, it was just their attitude.

Answer: he’s an escapee from the next studio lot. He can’t be hurt by guns shooting blanks, and grenades merely startle him. But the shrieking of the Fire Maidens does hurt his feelings.

And how the hell did this group move from Earth to Jupiter when Atlantis sank into the sea? Why didn’t they just return by the same means? And what’s this awful creature that menaces them? He never is explained.

And there’s more. And more. I can’t imagine why my Arts Editor wanted to see this dud.

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About Hue White

Former BBS operator; software engineer; cat lackey.

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