Oh, yeah? Who’s your agent?
King Kong, intubated.
Yep. Never thought I’d be typing that sentence. But there he was, post-fall from the World Trade Center (yep, Jessica Lange shows up ever so briefly), hanging out with a tube in his mouth and a cardiologist in attendance in King Kong Lives (1986), as he somehow survives that 1300+ ft fall to the asphalt below – in reality, he should have been splashed by the impact.
And while he slowly wastes away in his storage facility, another Kong is discovered in Borneo, named Lady Kong, and they ship her back to the States so she can provide blood for a transfusion.
Big mistake. King Kong swiftly recovers, breaks out, locates Lady Kong, show his intrepid chivalry through a quick but gentle courtship. Meanwhile, the government is on the hunt and chases him into a river, where they believe he’s drowned – although they never find a corpse. Meanwhile, Lady Kong is captured and begins to pine away for the ape she went ape over.
Never fear, King Kong has been feasting on alligators too dumb to leave the river, and, with the help of the cardiologist and her lover, he fights his way through a regiment of troops to be with his mate and she, of course, gives birth.
I’ve skipped all the cheesiness, but I must admit my calcium levels are far higher than when I started this woofer of a movie. It all starts and ends with the plot, which is ridiculous, and features characters who have no existence outside of the needs of this story. Hackneyed and uninspired, it’s not even fun to poke fun at.
OK, I laughed when eating a human who had been torturing him seemed to give him heartburn. But that’s the only time.
Blech.
