Sure, it’s The Onion. Doesn’t mean it’s not right.
Putting the nation on alert against what it has described as a “highly credible terrorist threat,” the FBI announced today that it has uncovered a plot by members of al-Qaeda to sit back and enjoy themselves while the United States collapses of its own accord.
Multiple intelligence agencies confirmed that the militant Islamist organization and its numerous affiliates intend to carry out a massive, coordinated plan to stand aside and watch America’s increasingly rapid decline, with terrorist operatives across the globe reportedly mobilizing to take it easy, relax, and savor the spectacle as it unfolds.
“We have intercepted electronic communication indicating that al-Qaeda members are actively plotting to stay out of the way while America as we know it gradually crumbles under the weight of its own self-inflicted debt and disrepair,” FBI Deputy Director Mark F. Giuliano told the assembled press corps. “If this plan succeeds, it will leave behind a nation with a completely dysfunctional economy, collapsing infrastructure, and a catastrophic health crisis afflicting millions across the nation. We want to emphasize that this danger is very real.”
More precisely, the 9/11 attacks were never about tangibly defeating us as we were. They were about changing us. That is, the United States as it was could not be defeated by a bunch of terrorists – or even if the Middle East nations all banded together and took a shot.
But, for those who hated us, there was a realization that the ideals we represented were very attractive to large segments of their population, large enough that the factions the haters represented would never be able to take power if nothing changed.
And thus, the attacks. As enormously frightening as they were, they inflicted only a small amount of damage; worse yet, for the terrorists, they exposed a hole in our systems which had to be repaired.
And was repaired.
But. But but but. It also changed us. A highly conservative administration (and somewhere around here is a posting on an academic study of the conservative mind, but I can’t find it at the moment), conservatives who claimed to be so much better than their political opponents at defending America, were embarrassed and shown to be, in the eyes of many, making hollow claims and promises. This enraged them.
Thus came the Afghan invasion, the Iraq invasion, the opening of Gitmo, and the various torture scandals which have since left a horrid blot on the honor and reputation of the United States. The Bush / Cheney Administration served the needs of the terrorists perhaps better than they ever expected.
In Obama they had a more canny enemy Commander-In-Chief, one who thought and analyzed and saw the big picture. I suspect there was celebration in the terrorist holes when Trump came to power. Because now we’re seeing shallow-minded “travel bans” which is triggering protests and discord in the United States. It’s on display for everyone overseas to see: the United States, which likes to make itself a beacon of hope, is becoming less attractive to those in desperate straits. (And if you, dear reader, just shrug, then I shall remind you that Albert Einstein was another refugee in desperate straits, as were many others who made great contributions to the States over the centuries.)
Make no mistake.
There’s a difference between a respectful clamor of differing opinions, and outright discord and protests. This is not a bunch of leftists or rabble rousers reacting to a conservative President. These are common citizens who understand the United States stands for liberty and accepting refugees, and not ripping families apart just to satisfy the xenophobia of a few fringers. Once again, it’s amateur hour at the White House.
And a satirical web site may have failed in its mission: it may have gotten the news spot-on.
