This evening’s repast was Critters (1986), starring Dee “Hysteria” Wallace Stone, Mitt Romney, the lusty but more or less useless daughter, the plucky son, and a supporting cast including the eternal fat sheriff, “Forgetful” Davros from Doctor Who, a bar full of bellilgerent bowlers, and half the cast of the Tribbles episode of Star Trek.
Yeah, that half.
A sure-fire candidate for MST3K, the movie chronicles a pair of bounty hunters tasked with killing escaped convicts. The convicts make it to Earth and begin consuming … oh dear. That poor cow. Bull. Whatever it used to be. Anyways, the convicts scamper about looking like black tribbles, until it’s time to eat, in which case they suddenly have red eyes and fangs.
And grow faster than our plucky young hero once they get some chickens into them.
For all that, there’s some humor here. For one thing, the bounty hunters appear to be part of a big hair band. For another, the convicts have a certain awareness of the silliness of the whole thing, in contrast to this poor farming family, who plays the whole thing straight with a script which, unlike a Brit script, never takes advantage of the straightness to milk it for laughs. But it’s kinda weird that the special effects creatures get the best lines in the film.
Oh, well. We watched in mounting horror as the minuscule special effects budget was stretched way beyond credibility, as the milquetoast family scrambled for its life, the cat, the dead boyfriend (oops), the shotgun, the hammer, the couch (mmmmmmm, that couch is good eatins!) … might want to ask them if they’re related to Fran Tarkenton, famed Vikings’ scramblin’ quarterback.
Honestly, I don’t know why we watched to the end. There was little enough to recommend it.
