For the last few months I’ve been grinding my teeth (along with, I’m sure, most of America) every time a politician “apologizes,” and the latest example of Mr. Trump’s exceptional crassness has put me over the top. You know this devious apology form:
If I’ve offended anyone, I apologize.
If you take this apart, this really means nothing. Apologies, as our mothers and fathers taught us, are about acknowledging a mistake, making clear that your offense is your fault, and that you will do better in the future. If I’ve offended anyone, I apologize. In the final analysis of this limp phrase, it’s a disavowal of responsibility for the impact of one’s behavior, and, in fact, shifting the blame from the person committing the offense to the person who has been offended.
The victim becomes the perpetrator in an honest reading of this despicable sentence.
Worse yet, for those who approve of the offensive behavior, it becomes a signal that it’s really OK. Just weasel-word your way out of it if you’re caught. Here’s the code-phrase.
With all this in mind, all these politicians need to be reminded of how a real adult apologizes. Remember your parents’ voices as you recite this with me:
My behavior was offensive and not appropriate for our society. This is my responsibility, and I apologize for offending my fellow Americans; further, I promise that I will do better in the future.
And then you do better in the future. That’s being American.
Modify as needed for the situation, but keep the central spirit of recognizing a mistake, taking responsibility, and promising to do better in the future. It treats the offended as a fellow human, recognizes we can all make mistakes, and appeals to the traditional American narrative of redemption.
But redemption only comes to those who really follow through on their promise.
