It is a movie of thighs. The Seven Magnificent Gladiators (1983 or 1984, depending on the source) is a Lou Ferrigno vehicle in which he is hired, much like the Samurai of the classic Seven Samurai, to chase away bandits harassing a village. Everyone is showing a lot of thigh in this movie, and while Lou’s is the most muscular, the bad guy undoubtedly shows the most, a length of thigh which would probably be more at home on a style runway than serving as the showpiece of a villain with merely ugly designs on a village.
And yet this villain is the best acted in the piece, leering one moment, introspective the next, no doubt wondering at the implications of his immortality, even as he slices and dices his own mother. The rest of this movie reeks of incompetence, from script to acting (although the Roman emperor was entertainingly chewing the scenery at every opportunity) to effects; if this movie has not been the subject of an MST3K documentary, Joel has missed a bet.
In the end, my Arts Editor and I were forced to debate: was Lou’s right pectoral concealed because of poor plastic surgery, or was the left pec just that much better of an actor?
