For the last few months I’ve been grinding my teeth (along with, I’m sure, most of America) every time a politician “apologizes,” and the latest example of Mr. Trump’s exceptional crassness has put me over the top. You know this devious apology form:<\/p>\n
If I’ve offended anyone, I apologize.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
If you take this apart, this really means nothing. Apologies, as our mothers and fathers taught us, are about acknowledging a mistake, making clear that your<\/em> offense is your<\/em> fault, and that you will do better in the future. If I’ve offended anyone, I apologize.<\/em> In the final analysis of this limp phrase, it’s a disavowal of responsibility for the impact of one’s behavior, and, in fact, shifting the blame from the person committing the offense to the person who has been offended.<\/p>\n
The victim becomes the perpetrator in an honest reading of this despicable sentence.<\/p>\n
Worse yet, for those who approve of the offensive behavior, it becomes a signal that it’s really OK. Just weasel-word your way out of it if you’re caught. Here’s the code-phrase.<\/p>\n
With all this in mind, all these politicians need to be reminded of how a real adult apologizes. Remember your parents’ voices as you recite this with me:<\/p>\n
My behavior was offensive and not appropriate for our society. This is my responsibility, and I apologize for offending my fellow Americans; further, I promise that I will do better in the future.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
And then you do better in the future. That’s being American.<\/p>\n
Modify as needed for the situation, but keep the central spirit of recognizing a mistake, taking responsibility, and promising to do better in the future. It treats the offended\u00a0as a fellow human, recognizes we can all make mistakes, and appeals to the traditional American narrative\u00a0of redemption.<\/p>\n
But redemption only comes to those who really follow through on their promise.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
For the last few months I’ve been grinding my teeth (along with, I’m sure, most of America) every time a politician “apologizes,” and the latest example of Mr. Trump’s exceptional crassness has put me over the top. You know this devious apology form: If I’ve offended anyone, I apologize. If \u2026 Continue reading