{"id":3385,"date":"2016-04-02T15:51:20","date_gmt":"2016-04-02T20:51:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/huewhite.com\/umb\/?p=3385"},"modified":"2016-04-02T15:52:20","modified_gmt":"2016-04-02T20:52:20","slug":"sometime-partisan-humor-just-needs-tweaking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/huewhite.com\/umb\/2016\/04\/02\/sometime-partisan-humor-just-needs-tweaking\/","title":{"rendered":"Sometimes Partisan Humor Just Needs Tweaking"},"content":{"rendered":"

A bit of GOP partisan humor happened across my\u00a0virtual desk this morning, and I’m feeling that engineer’s urge to… \u00a0improve it. Let’s see what I\u00a0can do! To be fair, I’ll quote the entire missive, in italics,\u00a0so we can see where the anonymous author did well, and where they missed an opportunity, I’ll cross out the mistake and put in a suggested replacement, in bold<\/strong> and not in italics. I’ve included links to provide proper documentation of the improvements, because, well, I’m an engineer.<\/p>\n

\n

Democrat[ic] Convention Schedule
\nMonday, July 25, 2016
\n11:15 AM<\/p>\n

Free lunch, medical marijuana, and bus ride to the Convention.
\nForms distributed for Food Stamp<\/del>\u00a0Medicaid<\/em><\/strong> enrollment sponsored<\/em>\u00a0by special guest Governor Matthew Bevin<\/a> (R-KY).<\/em><\/strong>
\n1:30 PM<\/p>\n

Group Voter Registration for Illegal Immigrants<\/del>.everyone, managed by the Society of Arizona Election Officials<\/a><\/em><\/strong>
\n3:15 PM<\/p>\n

Address on “Being the Real You”
\nRachel Dolezal, former Head of the Seattle NAACP and
\nCaitlyn Jenner, assisted by Donald Trump<\/a><\/em><\/strong>
\n(which Donald will show up TBD)<\/strong><\/em>
\n4:30 PM<\/p>\n

“How to Bank $200 Million as a
\nPublic Servant and Claim to be Broke”
\nHillary Clinton
\n4:45 PM<\/p>\n

How to spend $130\u00a0Million to <\/em><\/a><\/strong>buy the Presidency<\/del><\/a> become a Public Servant<\/em><\/a><\/strong>
\n and not make it to the Nominating Convention<\/em><\/a><\/strong>
\n Jeb Bush<\/em><\/a><\/strong>
\n 4:50 PM<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

How to have a successful career
\nwithout ever having a job, and
\nstill avoid paying taxes!
\nA Seminar Moderated by Al Sharpton (pastor, host of “Keepin’ it real with Al Sharpton<\/a>“)<\/em><\/strong> and the Reverend<\/em><\/strong> Jesse Jackson (civil rights leader, informal diplomat, radio host) on the performance of Mark Driscoll<\/a>\u00a0in this role<\/em><\/strong>
\n5:00 PM<\/p>\n

Why Billionaires Should Never Pay Taxes!<\/em><\/strong><\/a>
\n A Lesson In Civic Responsibility<\/em><\/strong><\/a>
\n Rex Sinquefield (R-MO)<\/em><\/strong><\/a>
\n 5:10 PM<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

Medals of Freedom presentation to
\nArmy deserter Bo Bergdahl
\nfor serving with Honor and Distinction (special live video from his prison cell while he awaits court-martial by the Obama Administration)<\/strong><\/em>
\n National Security Advisor Susan Rice<\/del> Stephen Colbert<\/strong><\/em><\/a>
\n 5:30 PM<\/a><\/p>\n

Supreme Court Justice seat presentation to Harriet Myers<\/a><\/strong><\/em>
\n special guest George W. Bush<\/strong><\/em>
\n5:45 PM<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Invitation-only Autograph Session
\nSouvenir photographs of Hillary and
\nChelsea Clinton, and conservative political commentator Bill O’Reilly<\/a><\/strong><\/em> dodging Sniper Fire in Bosnia
\n6:30 PM<\/p>\n

General vote on praising Baltimore\u00a0rioters<\/del>\u00a0Trump supporters<\/strong><\/em>
\nand on using the terminology
\n“Alternative Shoppers” instead of \u201cLooters<\/del>\u00a0Corporate Welfare Queens<\/a><\/strong><\/em>”
\n7:30 PM<\/p>\n

Breakout session with Bill Clinton
\nfor women on avoiding the upcoming draft<\/del>\u00a0regarding his ongoing support of nominative determinism<\/a> when pardoning \u00a0millionaire\u00a0Marc Rich<\/a><\/strong><\/em>
\n8:30 PM<\/p>\n

The White House “Semantics Committee” Meeting.
\nGeneral vote on re-branding “Muslim Terrorism” as
\n“Random Acts of Islamic Over-Exuberance”, and how our playful spanking<\/a> has remanded them to their nannies.<\/strong><\/em>
\n9:00 PM<\/p>\n

“Liberal Bias in Media\u201c How we can make it work for you!
\nTutorial sponsored by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, PBS,
\nthe Washington Post and the New York Times, for Fox News viewers who’ve not been able to keep up<\/a> <\/strong><\/em>with\u00a0all those damn liberals<\/strong><\/em>
\nwith Guest Speakers Brian Williams and Bruce Bartlett<\/a><\/strong><\/em>
\n9:15 PM<\/p>\n

Tribute Film to the Brave Freedom Fighters<\/del> Innocent detainees<\/a><\/strong><\/em>
\nstill incarcerated at GITMO
\nMichael Moore<\/del>\u00a0Lawrence B. Wilkerson, chief of staff to Secretary of State Colin Powell
\n9:45 PM<\/p>\n

Personal Finance Seminar –
\n“Businesses Don’t Create Jobs”
\nHillary Clinton
\n11:00 PM<\/p>\n

Short film, “Setting Up Your Own Illegal
\nEmail Server While Serving in A
\nCabinet Post and How to Pretend
\nIt’s No Big Deal”
\nHosted by Hillary Clinton, followed by Senator Mitch McConnell’s feature length presentation of “Shirking Congressional Duties and Besmirching the Dignity of the Office”, written and directed by TBA<\/strong><\/em>
\n11:30 PM<\/p>\n

Official Nomination of Hillary
\nBill Maher and Chris Matthews<\/p>\n

Late Addition! New time slot opened up for the homeless Republican National Convention<\/a>!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Due to scheduling conflicts, one event only!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Official Nomination of Donald Trump or Ted Cruz
\nJohn Kasich, Best Man
\nMarco Rubio, Flower Boy<\/strong>
\nJoyfully hosted by Hillary and Bernie<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A bit of GOP partisan humor happened across my\u00a0virtual desk this morning, and I’m feeling that engineer’s urge to… \u00a0improve it. Let’s see what I\u00a0can do! To be fair, I’ll quote the entire missive, in italics,\u00a0so we can see where the anonymous author did well, and where they missed an \u2026 Continue reading → <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3385","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/huewhite.com\/umb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3385","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/huewhite.com\/umb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/huewhite.com\/umb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/huewhite.com\/umb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/huewhite.com\/umb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3385"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/huewhite.com\/umb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3385\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3393,"href":"https:\/\/huewhite.com\/umb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3385\/revisions\/3393"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/huewhite.com\/umb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3385"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/huewhite.com\/umb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3385"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/huewhite.com\/umb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3385"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}